You know you're Chinese if...

If you didn't know by now, my nationality is Chinese so I can laugh at my own people. I find disturbing how many of these are true.

The ones in red are actually true of me or my family.

The ones in blue are semi-true.

So...You know you're Chinese if...

You eat rice for breakfast.

Your friends and everybody else assume you know Kung Fu.

You remember or still use "the bowl" for haircuts.

Your folks kitchen have a constant lingering aroma.

You notice the main topic at family get-togethers is food.

Your parents lifelong ambition is to go to Las Vegas.

You never ever sat down on Popos warm chair after she got up.

You seldom ever owned new clothes if you were a second child.

Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings.

You never made the school football or basketball team.

You have two middle initials instead of one.

You have an inherent "fear" for bamboo feather dusters

Your "hot" date is going to your parents house to have "jook".

Your living room sofas have covers on them.

You laugh at Kan Tong and Chung King commercials.

You inform the ticket clerk that your 13 year old is 12 to avoid paying adult fare.

You sneak in snacks at the movie theater.

Your grandmother smell like mothballs.

Youd bring home a Caucasian friend and "popo" would be cooking something that smelled like it had died a week ago.

You were told you all look alike.

You know how to pinch someone with your toes.

You graduated from UCI or knows of someone who did.

You would drive around the block 10 times rather than pay for parking.

You have a hard time pronouncing "aluminum" and "lobster claw".

You truly believe that your neighbor could use that old sweater rather than throwing it away.

You would take that sweater if you were your neighbor.

You would stand in line for hours and hours for a free gift whether you needed it or not.

You have clothes in your closet that is coming back in style.

Youve seen every Bruce Lee movie.

You still have your old slide rule.

You never order chop suey or egg foo young.

You have a relative or friend who works as a waiter or cook.

You prefer your chicken and shrimp served with heads and feet still attached.

You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

You spit bones and other food scraps on the table (thats why you need a vinyl tablecloth).

Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.

You buy on sale 100 rolls of toilet paper and store them in a closet or in a vacant room when your adult child moves out.

You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas when its 50% off.

Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.

Your stove is covered with tin foil.

You have stuff in your freezer since the beginning of time.

You have never used your dishwasher.

You use your dishwasher as a dish rack.

You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.

You keep a thermos of hot water available at all times.

You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.

You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

You eat all meals in the kitchen.

You bring oranges or other produce with you as a gift when you visit peoples homes.

You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully to save and reuse wrappings and bows.

You feel like youve won the lottery if you didnt have to pay tax for an item.

You starve yourself all day before going to an all you can eat buffet.

You stop dialing 411 information when they started to charge for each call.

You only call long distance after 11 PM.

You suck on salty preserved seeds for a sore throat.

You keep a stash of Li Hing Mui at home.

Your eyes resemble dime slots when you laugh.

You know what the term "FOB" and "ABC" means.

You laugh at Martin Yans jokes not because hes funny.

Your parents have a glass jar of preserved limes aging on top of the roof.

You own a wok.

You know what a "bow" isand it doesnt mean to bend over.

You never eat fried foods when youre sick (it creates phlegm and hot air).

You would prefer your fish entree staring at you on the dinner table.

You never discuss your love life with your parents.

Your parents still use a clothes line.

You save your old coke bottle glasses even though youre never going to use them again.

You keep most of your money in a savings account.

You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.

Youve joined a CD club at least once.

You keep used batteries.

You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.

Youre always late.

You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but dont eat the last piece of food on the table.

You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

Your dad thinks he can fix anything.

You live with your parents and over 30 years old (and they like it that way). And if youre married, you live in the apartment next to your parents, or in the same neighborhood.

Your parents house is always cold.

You beat eggs with chopsticks.

You never use measuring cups.

You reuse tea bags.

You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.

You never call your parents to say hi.

You always cook too much.

Your parents always ask you if youve eaten, even though its midnight.

Your parents send money to their relatives in China.

Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when youre sick.

You have a drawer full of used pens, most of which dont write anymore.

You know all the waiters at your favorite Chinese restaurant.

Your parents never go to the movies.

You notice at dances, a wall of guys standing together trying to look cool.

You iron your own shirts.

You play a musical instrument.

You dont own any real Tupperware, only used margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.

You never leave any leftovers on the table in a restaurant. You have it put in boxes or finish it.

Your ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard in the refrigerator are all "Price Club-size".

You have an assortment of condiments and utensils from fast food takeouts stuffed in a drawer.

You never order for room service.

You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine, or law.

Your parents are never satisfied with your grades.

You own a rice cooker.

You buy rice in 50 pound sacks.

You wash rice 2 to 3 times before you cook it.

You steam something on top of your rice while its cooking.

You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.

You like congee with thousand year old eggs.

You always carry a stash of food when you travel like preserved plums, beef jerky, or dried cuttlefish.

Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their guests brought to be courteous.

You know what MJ means.

You pick your teeth at the dinner table, but you cover your mouth.

You have a piano in the living room.

You live in an apartment and your parents always want you to come home.

You have a rice cooker to check in at the airport when you travel.

You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen.

Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas.

You have an lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during dinner time.

You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions.

You use the underside of a porcelain bowl to sharpen your knives.

You cut your own hairor had someone in your family do it.

Your grandmother has a lot of gold teethespecially in front.

You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times.

You know what the term "lemon" or a "banana" means.

You only have to shave every other day (maybe). Only every other day!!!??

You tell your friends that youre starting a new mustache when you really had it for several months.

You save your childrens halloween candy and give it out the next year.

You either love or hate "mooncakes".

You know at least three people named Alan Wong.

Your parents constantly complain you use too much toilet paper when you go to the bathroom.

You hated that black herb medicine that your parents forced you to drink when you were sick.

Your parents have kitchen towels made of old cloth rice bags.

You never drank milk after eating cherries.

Youve swallowed those tiny "BBs" with hot tea for a tummy ache.

Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm. Well my grandma does.

Youve asked your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later theyre still lecturing.

You shop at 99 Ranch Markets.

Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends kids.

Youve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.

Youve had to eat parts of animals that they dont even put in hotdogs.

You have piles of shoes and slippers blocking the entrances to your home.

You have no eyelashes!

Your idiot friends try to impress you with pathetic imitation languages, like the ever so popular "ching chong woo bok chi"etc.

Your biology lecture on marine life (seaweed, octopii, sea cucumbers, etc.) was last nights dinner.

You have at least one family member who wears black wire or plastic framed glasses.

You have several relatives who wear glassesthick glasses.

You like $1.75 movies

You like $1.50 movies even more!

Your parents never kissed you

Your parents never kissed each other.

Your friends ask you to translate the scribbles on chopsticks (like you really know what it means!).

You call all your parents friends "auntie or uncle".

You get nothing if you do well in school, but get in big trouble if you dont.

Your dad still pulls his socks up to his kneesyou know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.

Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow" into them and wear them for years to come.

Your family always cheer for the Asian athlete competing (eg. Michael Chang, Michelle Kwan, etc).

Your parents or relatives have goldfish swimming in an aquarium.

Your first generation relatives have a statue of an obese, bald-headed man surrounded by children.

Your parents collect jade jewelry.

Your friends from China think anything from the old country is considered "good stuff".

You know not to eat the oranges or tangerines arranged in a little pyramid.

You always drink tea after a meal.

Your dad owns at least one bird.

You use doilies to decorate your furniture.

Your friends automatically assume youre good at math.

You are good at math!!! (the hell with humility). Or at least I use to be.

You know how to pick out the meat in watermelon seeds with your teeth.

Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks while reaching food with your fingers.

An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"

You were/are a good student with very high GPAs Well I was before I went to college.

Even if you're totally full, if someone says he's going to throw away the leftovers, you'll finish them

You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses

You use a colored face cloth every morning

Your parents say, "Don`t forget your heritage."

You drive mostly Japanese cars.

You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.

You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you. (e.g., Jean- ee - yah! or Mary - yah!).

Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.

Your parents` vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and Wah`s" I can just imagine what my kids will be hearing.

Your parents insist you marry within your race. Parents don't care, but the grandparents do.

You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.

You have 12+ aunts and uncles

You buy soy sauce by the gallon.

You will most likely be taller than your parents. Taller than mom, but half inch shorter than dad.

Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.

You are now planning to Email this list ASAP to another Chinese friend!

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